Recently the PRS Foundation New Music Biennial line-up was announced. I’d sent in what I thought was a really good application but found out towards the end of 2024 that I’d not been selected. The piece I submitted, Filey Brigg, is possibly the best thing I’ve ever made and there’s no point in pretending it doesn’t hurt when you are rejected.

And the pain of single rejection can be felt multiple times; the initial ‘no’ email, the moment the successful people are announced, the various posts on social media, the performances themselves, the broadcasts, the award nominations…

Composers are generally quite good at publicising all the amazing things that are happening to them. Social media accounts, websites, electronic press kits etc. are all geared towards self-promotion and present a distorted image of the artist as an infinitely successful individual.

At the same time, I think composers are prone to feelings of self-pity and professional jealousy (and I have definitely been guilty of this in the past). This is also a distortion; it is quite easy to forget all the amazing things you have done in your career, and instead think about all the times you were overlooked for a commission, or failed to secure funding for a project.

In 2010, researcher and academic Melanie Stefan published “A CV of Failures” in Nature. A few years later, Johannes Haushofer (a Princeton professor) published a similar CV which went viral. Composers have done this too, including the wonderful Cheryl Frances-Hoad.

I have thought about how these failure CVs only really make sense if you also know how successful Melanie, Johannes, and Cheryl have been. Otherwise, they might present a distorted image of the artist as an infinitely unsuccessful individual.

When the PRS Foundation New Music Biennial said “no” I was obviously disappointed but:

• I received a “yes” in the same week – alongside five other composers, my piece Grave Pastures was selected (from over 300 applications) by Bent Frequency, and will be performed in Atlanta, Georgia on March 9^th 2025
• I realised the good thing had already happened – I had a wonderful time working with Leeds International Piano Competition Piano Trail Festival on Filey Brigg, I performed it multiple times (once with my family in attendance) – having failed to secure the Biennial opportunity does not, in any way, ruin the incredible experience I had in making and performing the piece in Summer 2024

This made me think how standard CVs (which are 100% success) or failure CVs (which are 100% failure) do not reflect what it is like to be an artist. Reality is messier. Every success contains an element of failure, and every failure contains an element of success. For example:

When I was an emerging composer, I was selected for a large number of developmental opportunities [success] but never the RPS Composers Programme [failure] which used to have an age limit of 28. I contacted them and made an impassioned case for raising the age limit, which they did [success] but I applied again and was not selected [failure]. I think I applied approximately ten times [failure] and one year, despite not being selected [failure], I was promised some bespoke support [success]. This never materialised [failure]. However, I have since realised that I have had a wonderful career [success] despite never having been selected [failure] and I probably don’t need the Composers Programme anymore [success]. I might apply this year though…

To my surprise, the first time I applied to Manchester Jazz Festival hothouse I was successful [success]. The programme was absolutely incredible, I had a wonderful time and learned a tremendous amount [success]. Then (even more surprisingly) I was selected to perform at Manchester Jazz Festival this year (18^th May 2025). As someone who grew up in Manchester and attended the festival multiple times when I was a youngster, I find this an absolute dream gig for me [success]. However, I also found out that I wasn’t selected for Jazz North northern line [failure]. This is not a problem, as there were some legitimate weaknesses within my application, and I received some really useful feedback. Hopefully my Manchester Jazz Festival gig will help me with next year’s northern line application [success?]

Note to self: Celebrate your successes, and make the most of opportunities, but remember all the failures that were necessary for those successes to occur. Mourn your failures, but count your blessings, and remember all the wonderful, musical moments you’ve had.